Taking the Stage: From Self-Doubt to Public Speaking Power
"I'm not young and gorgeous, so who wants to see me on a stage speaking?"
Taking the Stage: From Self-Doubt to Public Speaking Power
"I'm not young and gorgeous, so who wants to see me on a stage speaking?"
That's what I told myself five years ago when the thought of public speaking first entered my mind. It was the third lock on my creative prison—after convincing myself I couldn't write or podcast, I completed the trifecta by deciding I was unsuitable for the stage.
But here's what I've learned from both military training and real-world speaking experience: audiences don't gather to judge your appearance or age. They come hungry for stories, insights, and authentic human connection. And every single one of those things is available to you right now, regardless of what you see in the mirror.
Of the three domains we're exploring in this triple threat series, public speaking often feels the most exposed and vulnerable. There's nowhere to hide behind editing, no retakes, no delete button. It's you, your message, and a room full of people whose attention you must earn and hold in real time.
Yet it's also the most immediately rewarding. When you connect with an audience, when you see understanding dawn in their eyes, when someone approaches afterward to say your words changed their perspective—there's no creative high quite like it.
Survival: Mastering Your Message with Minimal Resources
During survival training, we learned that the most essential skill wasn't building elaborate shelters or finding exotic food sources—it was making the most of what you already possessed.
The same principle applies to public speaking. You don't need a TED Talk-worthy stage, professional lighting, or a perfectly crafted presentation to begin developing your speaking skills.
The Survival Strategy: Start with what you know and love.
Your first speaking "survival kit" requires only three elements:
A topic you're genuinely passionate about - cooking, parenting, a hobby, a professional skill
Three key insights from that passion - specific lessons or observations you've gained
A way those insights apply to other areas of life - how your knowledge transfers to broader success
When I gave my first real speech after leaving the military, I didn't choose leadership theory or strategic planning—topics I was "qualified" to discuss. Instead, I spoke about lessons learned from teaching my teenage daughter to drive.
The three insights were simple: patience with the learning process, the importance of creating safe practice environments, and knowing when to let go of control. The broader applications were equally straightforward: these same principles applied to mentoring employees, launching new projects, and building any kind of trust-based relationship.
That 15-minute talk, delivered to a local Rotary Club, taught me that audiences connect with authentic experience, not impressive credentials.
Your Speaking Survival Exercises:
The Mirror Test: Practice your key message standing in front of a bathroom mirror. If you can't maintain eye contact with yourself while speaking, you're not ready for an audience.
The Dog Presentation: Deliver your full talk to your pet (or an empty chair if you don't have one). This removes human judgment while helping you practice your flow and timing.
The Three-Point Foundation: Every effective speech has three main points. If you have more than three, you have too many. If you have fewer than three, you need more depth.
Evasion: Avoiding the Comparison and Perfection Traps
Remember our S.E.R.E. principle: movement draws attention, attention leads to capture. In public speaking, the forces trying to capture your authentic voice are comparison and perfectionism.
You'll watch polished speakers with their seamless delivery and professional presence, then immediately think: "I could never be that good."
The Evasion Strategy: Embrace your humanity, not perfection.
The most memorable speakers aren't the most polished—they're the most authentic. Audiences can sense when someone is performing versus when they're sharing genuinely.
My breakthrough speaking moment came when I completely forgot a major section of a prepared presentation. Instead of trying to recover smoothly, I stopped, smiled, and said to the audience: "Well, that's embarrassing. I just completely lost my train of thought. Give me a second to find my notes."
The audience laughed, relaxed, and suddenly we were having a conversation instead of me delivering a performance. That moment of vulnerability created more connection than my carefully crafted opening had achieved.
Advanced Evasion Techniques:
The Imperfection Admission: Begin your talk by acknowledging something you're nervous about or uncertain of. This immediately humanizes you and removes the pressure to be flawless.
The Story Over Statistics: Lead with personal stories rather than impressive data. Statistics inform, but stories transform.
The Conversation Frame: Think of your presentation as sharing something interesting with friends rather than delivering a formal speech to strangers.
When I stopped trying to sound like the professional speakers I admired and started speaking like myself having an important conversation, my effectiveness increased dramatically.
Resistance: Withstanding the Fear and Self-Doubt
Public speaking consistently ranks among people's greatest fears—often above death itself. The resistance phase of your speaking development involves building psychological resilience against this primal terror.
In S.E.R.E. training, resistance wasn't about eliminating fear—it was about operating effectively despite being afraid. Courage isn't the absence of fear; it's being prepared to perform through fear.
The Resistance Strategy: Reframe fear as energy, not weakness.
That nervous energy you feel before speaking? It's not a sign that you shouldn't be there—it's proof that you care about delivering value to your audience.
Internal Critic: "Everyone can see how nervous you are." Resistance Response: "Nervousness shows I care about doing well. The audience appreciates that I'm taking this seriously."
Internal Critic: "You're going to forget everything and look foolish." Resistance Response: "I know my topic well from personal experience. If I forget my script, I can speak from the heart."
Internal Critic: "The audience knows more than you do about this subject." Resistance Response: "I'm not here to be the smartest person in the room. I'm here to share my unique perspective and experiences."
Physical Resistance Techniques:
Military training taught me that psychological resistance often begins with physical preparation:
The Power Stance: Stand with feet shoulder-width apart, hands on hips, chin slightly raised for two minutes before speaking. This actually changes your hormone levels and increases confidence.
The Breath Control: Use the 4-7-8 technique: inhale for 4 counts, hold for 7, exhale for 8. This activates your parasympathetic nervous system and reduces anxiety.
The Anchor Movement: Develop a physical gesture or movement that you associate with confidence. Use it during practice and activate it during your actual presentation.
Escape: Breaking Free from Stage Fright Prison
The final liberation for speakers comes when you realize that most of your speaking fears are based on imaginary threats. The audience isn't your enemy. They're not hoping you'll fail. They want you to succeed because your success means they'll learn something valuable.
The Escape Strategy: Shift focus from yourself to your service.
Real escape from speaking anxiety happens when you stop worrying about how you appear and start focusing on what you can offer.
Before every speaking engagement, I now ask myself: "What's the one thing I most want this audience to understand or feel by the time I'm finished?" This question immediately shifts my focus from self-protection to service.
The Three-Part Speaking Liberation Framework:
Phase 1 - Personal Expertise: Choose a topic where your experience gives you authentic authority. You don't need to be the world's expert, just someone who's learned valuable lessons.
Phase 2 - Universal Application: Connect your specific experience to broader principles that apply to your audience's challenges. This is where your personal story becomes universally valuable.
Phase 3 - Actionable Insight: Give your audience something specific they can do differently as a result of hearing you speak. Make your message practical, not just inspirational.
Format Liberation:
You don't need to follow traditional presentation structures. Some of the most effective speakers I know use:
The Story Sandwich: Personal story, key lesson, different personal story that reinforces the lesson The Problem-Solution Loop: Present a common challenge, share how you solved it, show how others can apply your solution The Three Mistakes Format: Share three significant mistakes you made and what you learned from each
Your Speaking Liberation Plan
Here's a practical framework for applying S.E.R.E. principles to your speaking development:
Week 1 (Survival):
Choose your expertise topic and identify three key insights
Practice your core message in front of a mirror for 10 minutes daily
Record yourself on your phone to hear how you sound
Focus on content, not delivery perfection
Week 2 (Evasion):
Develop one personal story that illustrates each key insight
Practice speaking conversationally, not formally
Embrace pauses, "ums," and natural speech patterns
Resist the urge to sound like other speakers
Week 3 (Resistance):
Write down your five biggest speaking fears
Develop specific counter-responses to each fear
Practice your power stance and breathing techniques daily
Present your talk to one trusted person for feedback
Week 4 (Escape):
Find a real speaking opportunity (Rotary Club, work meeting, community group)
Focus entirely on what you can give the audience, not what they might think of you
Schedule your first actual presentation
Commit to speaking again within 30 days
The Unlocked Stage
Remember the lesson from that S.E.R.E. training box: the barriers were imaginary, the guards were absent, and freedom was always available.
Your speaking journey faces the same false constraints:
The expertise you think you lack isn't required for authentic sharing
The perfection you're pursuing actually makes you less relatable
The judgment you fear from audiences largely doesn't exist
The confidence you think you need will come from doing, not waiting
The stage—whether it's a conference room, community center, or actual auditorium—isn't a place of judgment. It's a space for generous sharing of hard-won wisdom.
Your speaking imprisonment is self-imposed. The podium isn't guarded. Your message is needed.
The only question is: Are you ready to step onto the stage and share what only you can offer?
Stop preparing to be ready. Start being ready to improve.
Next in the series: "Your Triple Threat Journey: From Survival to Success”